FREE

"CELEBERTY"

HALO'S


A Short Fiction

By

David A. Archer
02/15/1968

09/28/2006

We are all familiar with bathroom graffiti. It always seems to be the same stuff, at least in the men's room; "For a Good Time Call ########," then of course the ever present and ongoing battle of racial slurs in all forms and the occasional series of "grout puns," not to mention the evident lack of spelling champions participating in such activities.

Maybe there should be a spell checker installed for such communication mediums?

But then again, maybe that is part of the allure and mystique about procuring one's ration of common knowledge from such places?

As it goes I had happened to be enjoying a few moments to myself and of course the looming remnants of scribble being evidence of both the popularity of the said place of simple pleasure, and further the state of common cerebral capacity within society. I looked over at a place where usually is found a few incoherent phone numbers and perhaps a bad limerick or two, being the "sanitary seat cover dispenser," and found much to my surprise and admitted pleasure the following words;



FREE CELEBERTY HALO'S!


If I recall correctly, such was even the spelling used in indicating the availability of such a wardrobe accessory, for more than affordable price of "free."

I had to think about it for a minute, but then it dawned on me how brilliant the play on words and functionality of said bathroom advertisement was. Not only did it suggest that you could immediately "Be Like The Stars" but further, for the price of "Free."

I thought even further as is a very common activity of mine in such situations, and realized the brilliance of it ran even deeper, in many facets and on many levels of suggested relation.

"Be like the stars" was just the tip of the iceberg regarding those three words and their suggestion.

There was then the aspect regarding the modern fact encompassing even politicians and sports figures as "celeberties" within the use of the media In fact, it seemed to include just about anyone having gained any form of notoriety… and especially those that managed to sustain said recognition within our modern day.

I suddenly had the visage of the president modeling one of these wonderful halo's! Standing in the same media spotlight as many other "celeberty" personalities… much in the manner of some charity program where many different "celeberties" make an appearance to "make a difference."

Then of course was the play on the postured essence in the public relations area of the modern media. They are all sold to us as "angels." Unless of course they happen to draw the "short straw" for that month or fiscal quarter, and happen to be sucked into playing the role of "Oh, no! I am in trouble!" Which no one ever seems to realize as just another aspect of the media itself in the larger sense. A good example being a "celeberty" brought up on shoplifting charges from a store that might just as well have been considered an extension of their living abode in the amount of time they had spent there. Further that most of their purchases had always been delivered to them anyhow, with nothing more than a suggestion of having wanted the item…. probably without even a signature on a slip of paper.

Then a person has to consider the deft usage in the direction of advertising. Firstly, it was much more than a novel idea, then further it was immediately associated with a large scope of selling area. Target market so to speak, while further displaying a cross over potential within the idea of demographics.

What person wouldn’t want to be seen wearing a “celeberty halo?”

Everyone has some form of association with one “celeberty” personality or another.

Then even beyond those aspects is the potential for drawing new users of the product itself, but for obviously different reasons than manufacturer specifications.

The potential market for these things was immense… even farther beyond the obvious and intended usage of them in every day graffiti reading sessions. And again, as was readily evident, they were “free.”

I had never before even considered the use of the “sanitary toilet seat covers” being that I am in no way a germ-a-phobe, but when presented with the opportunity to sit, even momentarily in the perceived greatness of “celeberty” halo wearer… I found it hard to resist.

As I sat there exploring the thoughts I might find in having shifted my perception in that small degree with the rim of the free “celeberty” halo no dangling slightly into my view and then floating out of it again with the most subtle of motions, I realized that who ever the guy was that advertised them first, was really on to something.

In the bigger metaphor, it was now obvious that in fact… in many more ways than any of us may ever know… we are all shit heads to some degree.

If for nothing more than the sort of endeavors I was now sitting in full display of within my private moment… of trying on my very first “FREE CELEBERTY HALO!”